We Need to Rethink the Phrase: "Coming Out of the Broom Closet"
It's Pride Month! As your resident bi-racial, bi-sexual witch bitch, I'm here with my annual break down of a super common phrase in the witchy community.
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I first started hearing about "coming out of the broom closet" at the start of my witchy journey. As many of you can relate, it became a phrase that I learned to represent a sort of threshold for a practitioner. The difference between dabbling with spellwork, ideology, magical tools; and, saying that it was now part of your lifestyle. This is actually the transition from practice to praxis.
For a while, I accepted this term as normal and just part of the language of the craft-much like how people believe you HAVE to use the words "black" or "white" to discern the ethics or morals of a magical act; or, how people believe "masculine" and "feminine" are still acceptable to discern the purpose or intention of an energy.
Eventually, I learned that the language of the craft is an individual as the craft of each practitioner themselves.
It wasn't until I started analyzing language, where it comes from, and the effects it has that I realized this phrase actually sat a little weird with my soul. I realized I wanted to investigate why, and here are a lot of the findings I've come to that have helped me determine whether I ethically vibe with the words used to describe when someone claims an spiritual practice as their own:
Claiming a spiritual practice as your own is a choice. Sexuality and gender are not.
Sure, you can argue that we come from the "lines of witches you couldn't burn" or whatever. We can say "I AM A WITCH/WIZARD/PRIESTESS/LIGHTWORKER/Whatever and have been all my life." "This was a path chosen for me before I was born." We CAN absolutely see this as a valid thing. But, to make it valid, one has to choose to believe in the power of witchcraft, spirituality, energy work, etc. It's still not the same as being born in a body that exhibits parts of a gender that inherently doesn't fit your soul and identity. It's not the same as being born in a country that banned gay marriage UP UNTIL 2015, where you can't marry someone you love-a choice that you don't get to just suddenly change. It's not the same as having to work through what it means to look at people and be absolutely uninterested at all-while the rest of the world makes you feel shitty for a sexual preference you did not get to choose.
Any reader, guru, astrologer, whatever that believes we’ve chosen our specific suffering-chosen to be queer and chosen all the persecution that comes with-probably needs to do a bit more investigation on where that belief stems from.
Hint: it’s some type of religious oppression-usually Christian or Catholic guilt related.
According to literal science: spiritual, religious, and cultural beliefs are very much not the same as sexuality and gender identity.
Chemically our sexuality and gender identity are influenced by things like pheromones, endorphins, brain synapses that produce hormones associated with stress or arousal. We can’t change what our bodies chemically respond (or don’t respond) to sexually. It’s the same as not being able to change the fact that the same cologne or perfume will smell different on you, than it would on me.
Obviously, I am not a psychologist or a scientist. I say this to show how easy it is to be able to see the difference between the two, after a little research. Sometimes we don’t even need research to put two and two together, honestly.
Our identity? We also don’t exactly choose that. We choose how to define it, or ignore it; but it doesn’t change the fact that it exists.
Discovering our identity and exploring it is a journey. Some people don’t choose to take that journey intentionally.
It’s no secret that many people who identify as gender queer, experience feeling a difference between who they felt like, and the reality they lived in physically. The feelings are not a choice. The feelings are not a choice. The repression of them can be. The journey to understanding them is; and, it’s individual to everyone. Some can choose to take steps that allow their body parts or chemicals to reflect their inner knowing of themselves-but the original state they were born in, wasn’t their choice. When we are born, our little baby selves are head empty. Blank. While we might not be able to choose whether we were raised in a religious home or culture; we do get the mental choice to continue to believe the teachings as adults. We can’t say the same about sexual or gender queerness.
Now, there are choices that queer people cannot make. Not all demographics of non-white, non-cis straight people have the financial, educational access; or, the support systems needed to pursue the ideal choices everyone would be able to make.
Spiritually I would compare it to someone having the gift to see or talk to dead people; but, choosing to never understand or work with that gift. You might say “Kieu, you just contradicted yourself.” I know, but also, I didn’t. I’ll use myself as an example. If I am able to speak to the dead, I first have to choose philosophically to believe that ghosts or an afterlife exist. If I have experiences in my life that affirm the existence of sentient ancestors or spirits, I must choose to interpret those experiences through that philosophy. That’s a choice. Just like I can choose to interpret those same experiences from a skeptical point of view.
The phrase can bypass the racial history of the LGBTQIA2+ community.
One big thing we must remember now-and always-is this: The Queer Community would be nowhere without the Black Community. Without the struggles of Black people in this nation and many others, the LGBTQIA+ community would not be here in the way it is now. Drag especially. If we think about it, the underground clubs, speakeasies, and "less respectable" places society had for Black people and Brown people were the only places where Queer people could also come together with considerably less danger-and be around others who understood the government was penalizing them for being who they are in ways they could not change. The club scene brought us drag and dance trends like Vogueing that we would never ever see if Black people hadn't been there to deal with a lot of violence, and persecution. We must pay homage to these specific ancestors of righteous identity where they deserve it. Saying "I came out of the broom closet" separates the true meaning of this statement which has it's home in the LGBTQIA+ community. Ignoring the Queer Community is ignoring the Black Community. Learning about this is Ancestor Work. Not just for you, but for all your Queer ancestors who couldn't come out. This phrase is sacred. This is something some could never do. Taking these phrase and using it for something that-while on the outside might seem the same-is completely different than telling people you do witchcraft or believe in reincarnation, babes. It just is.
This is Ancestor Work, and we shouldn’t diminish our queer ancestors’ struggles. We must also acknowledge the ancestors of others.
This doesn’t mean our spiritual, esoteric, religious ancestors didn’t face persecution. I’m only saying that the changes in persecution that have evolved into TODAY, are not the same between the two communities.
Coming out as anything but a cis straight person is not as dangerous as publicly discussing your spiritual beliefs or practice.
While obviously there are some outliers here, I'm going to discuss this mostly as I see it as a person living in the US (a nation founded by white Christian people).
You can be a Christian person who has crystals and nobody bats an eye. If you say you are a Queer Youth Pastor or Trans Teacher, we still live in an age where the possibilities range from getting fired to physical violence and death. We are no longer in an era where witches are burned at the stake. We are still in an era where gay, lesbian, bi, trans and other queer people are consistently being killed all over the world-or they are taking their own lives because the world does not support them.
Queer people often are seen as “being possessed by the devil.” Conversion camps still exist. Even Moses spoke to God, so having a dream with spiritual meaning; or, giving offerings to the dead like offerings were given to God (old testament Yahweh) isn’t as foreign to people with conservative Christian religious views-that they again have chosen. They really don’t have to be Christian to be oppressive. That’s just my experience.
There are a million other things we can say instead.
Every time I present something like this that discusses language, we come to a place where people ask me "if I can't use this phrase or word, then what can I do instead?" Here I will give suggestions; however, I would offer that you explore your own ability to learn new words and analyze how you relate to language. Words are spells, and just like spells not all words work for all people. So find what works for you.
Suggestions for phrases:
"Claimed my identity as a witch" "Reached my second evolution" (yes, like a Pokemon lol). "Come into my power as a spiritual being" "Initiated myself as a witch" "Went public with my practice" "Told people about my spiritual identity.
Feel free to put in the comments your suggestions!
When I came out as bi-sexual, I also told people I was a witch.
I believe it was the same time, and literally in the same sentence of the same video. Even then I knew I was doing two completely different things. Even me, coming from a household where my first tarot deck was burned-while being threatened with my living situation being taken away. I was more scared to say I was bi-sexual than I was scared to say I saw dead people.
We have to think of the world at large, and not center ourselves in it. It’s not the oppression Olympics-so we don’t have to co-opt phrases from other experiences. There’s no scarcity of words. We must think beyond our experiences when we look at language. When we tell people about ourselves, we also explain how we see others. So, let's try and reflect our reverence to those who've done the big thing and COME OUT in as their Queer selves, by changing our language to embody that. This is how we improve our industry. Inclusion, and evolution isn’t an easy thing; however, we still have to adapt to new information.
We change the standard by challenging ourselves to do new things.
Side note:
We are all obviously seeing corporations really pumping PRIDE as a marketing tactic. We're seeing people pumping memes about corporations leveraging pride. Stop and think: People who make memes about corporations using Pride, are also using Pride for clout, marketing, attention, etc. Anti-marketing is still marketing.
I am not one to ignore that this post could have been made at any time. I do think it's still a good time to raise awareness, and I think because this is a concept that can actually help people rethink some things and grow, I feel in no way YUCKY about using the current month and ride the wave of PRIDE awareness if this post gets to people it needs to get to.
I WONT BE doing special discounts, classes, promotions or anything. I won't be doing a class that donates to any special causes. Every day, every month I offer discounts and info for marginalized communities. Every month, I donate to SOME cause somewhere depending on where my heart is called-whether you know about it or not doesn't change the work. This month isn't different, and nothing will change other than maybe some of the things we talk about.
I believe in doing the work and helping people all the time, in public and private. I hope this posts helps others do the same!
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