Soul Retrieval + Creative Alchemy
Following a Near Death Experience, Amelia The Alchemist Jones walks us through soul retrieval, self acceptance, and an activity on approaching both with our other-worldly allies.
It’s LEO SEASONS Sisters and Thisters!
As always, Leo season brings around themes of self (the deep self, and what that means to us). It also brings around moments to recognize or exercise strength-in all its forms.
Today we’re getting a first hand account about what happens with the soul after an NDE (near death experience) from someone who’s been there and back again: Amelia, THE Alchemist Jones. Amelia entered my sphere a few years ago, a true injection of magick by the cosmic mycelial machine known as the internet. I wanted to include Amelia in this quarter’s SHMEDIUM issue about Pioneers in the Wild Wild Web, because they are one of the only people I know who’s successfully created a thriving existence based on being the truest version of self one can be.
Of course, this isn’t something Amelia was just born doing; and, like most of us way makers has had to make that way through trial, tribulation, and truly astonishing stuff. Enjoy this piece Amelia wrote for us, and hug your soul. Every part of it.
XoXo, Kieu
When I was 22 I had what’s known as an NDE, or near death experience. I “died” and came back.
My memory of this experience is vivid and immediate, as if it was encoded in the cells of my body, but it’s not something I’ve been able to articulate to others– or maybe I just never wanted to. What I will say is that I went somewhere else, and that where I went and what I saw there were as real as any other part of my life, as real as grocery shopping, the trees outside my window, or writing this now. I have always been able to access other worlds and see things that people were not consciously responding to– I did it throughout my childhood and into adulthood, after “seeing things” is supposed to stop. Even though I have had access to these spaces, I was taught to ignore and dismiss it as imaginary– how could I not? But after “dying”, I couldn’t ignore my experiences anymore.
When I came back, I brought something back with me, or more accurately, parts of my Self back with me.
Soul Retrieval can be viewed as retrieving parts of ourselves that we have lost through lived and inherited trauma. And soul retrieval is something I DO wish to touch on— something I share regularly in my practices with clients— because it can be a root of dynamic healing and self-acceptance.
Before my NDE I was in training to become a professional opera singer.
I was following a distinct path laid out for me– go to college, get the degree, become a professional. I was told to study opera because I was “gifted” and it was one of the few areas I could “make a living.” I wasn’t studying it because I enjoyed it or connected deeply with Opera as an art form, it was mostly a chore that I had to muster the vitality to engage with. I felt asleep at this point in my life, being pushed about by external forces that could care less about what I wanted, or what was good for me.
The years following this Retrieval were a mess.
I was a mess; coming back and reconstituting was rough. I had to navigate unearthing suppressed trauma that surfaced daily, and reintegrating spirit realms... all without systems or people who understood what I was going through. One of the reasons I emphasize non-human Allies* so much in practice is because they literally saved my life— specifically entheogens, animal and plant companions, creative expression, Ancestor and Spirit Guides. All of these Allies1 showed up for me and my healing when humans did not.
With these Allies, I began to unearth real, internal desire, play and pleasure…and this fed my soul.
My soul-desires fed my vitality and suddenly it felt like there was a sliver of room for me to exist in the world.
Now I often work with artists, writers, performers, and creators— people unearthing something great and inspiring. The secret to unearthing something great is unearthing yourself: believing in the value that is unique to your expression, and pursuing that like a passionate love affair.
To unearth something great we must first trust, unearth and anchor in ourselves; there is greatness in each of us.
I want to share some inspiration I've learned that connects to the praxis known as Soul Retrieval because this is ancient wisdom, present in many cultures, and teaches us how to reclaim and embody who we are. When parts of who we are have been fractured, (often due to our trauma, and Ancestral stories we’ve inherited) Soul Retrieval is a process that mends these stories in spirit/energetic realms. This mending becomes like a code or memory we can carry with us into our daily lives. It impacts how we hold our body, how we take up space, speak, engage in relationships, engage with passion, discomfort and oppressive systems... It allows each of us to reclaim our story, anchor in who we intuitively want to be, and teaches us how to share in the world.
For some of us it can take a really long time to get back to a place where we feel proud of how we move through the world and what we are creating. If that’s you, don’t give up, no matter how long it takes; the excavating is always worth it no matter how uncomfortable and arduous the process is.
An alchemical silver lining throughout the rediscovery process is when you connect deeply to intimate story-feelings (however they surface) and respect those stories as important, worthy expressions (especially the unattractive ones!), the cathartic art you create is wildly inspiring.
Understanding something, and living the healing-wisdom we gather is a life-long dance, and the latter can require different/more nuanced focus/skills/praxis. E.g. you may know that your feelings in a moment are worthy of respect, but not necessarily know how to act and share them respectfully, or in a way that your body is desiring to access and integrate the cathartic process I've shared above.
This is where art, and the creative process, is one of our most treasured Allies as humans.
The creative process allows us to be dramatic, to fully indulge in the depth of our innermost experiences. Being able to fully indulge allows us to integrate and digest.
A creative process is a portal to passionately reclaiming the bits that others have thrown away or made us feel unattractive in. It also shows us that the things we’ve been told are unattractive, dumb, silly, ridiculous, insane…are actually conduits of greatness. No matter what you do with your creations, indulging your deepest story-feelings through "art" is one of the most potent (and beautiful) alchemical processes.
My experience with “death” in my 20’s and retrieving parts of my Self re-illuminated paths to working with Allies and the beings who consent to supporting us throughout our lives. These beings are especially keen to help us retrieve and embody our soul-desires. I like to think of the (now overused) Mr. Rogers quote: "Look for the helpers…” because every time we look, they are there.
This perspective is especially true when we feel humans fail us; some of our most present Allies are where typical society tells us to ignore (e.g. our imagination, creative expression, our connection to well Ancestor Spirits…). We are always held by a web of helpers. Connecting to Ancestors and Guides, and weaving that support into an indulgent creative process is soul-nourishing.
So, for now, I’ll share a simple creative-retrieval practice for you to try on:
This is an inspiration to fully indulge in now-feelings + connect to well Ancestor Allies through your voice-body-instrument. Please adapt the process and language as your body desires; there are many ways to point to the same thing.
Ingredients
Water, water color paints, brush, and a comfortable place for you to move and sing.
If you don’t have access to paints, drawing/doodling with a favorite pen is just as powerful.
Also note that I (and many people I work with) I are neurodivergent, so we often like to do several things at the same time… if it feels best to just focus on one element of this share, listen to that nudge.
Process
Before really diving in, create a proper container by speaking aloud your intentions for this praxis.
Something like:
“My Desire is to connect to well Ancestors that support and respect my intuitive expression”
It is important that you understand only well2 Ancestors are welcome.
Offer the water and paints to the Ancestors.
Then we’ll anchor in what I call the “body-instrument” through your voice. This is where well Ancestors are welcome to sing with us and support us; our body-instrument is an expression of their body-instrument and wisdom.
To begin the humming:
Invite a deep breath all the way to your low belly, and on the exhale begin to gently hum. Hum on any note(s), for any length, and focus on feeling the vibrations throughout your body. Explore and play with sound and how it flows in your body. Do this for as long as you desire.There is SO much information in these sounds and how they reverberate, be open to receiving. I like to start with humming before singing because it can be easier to access, which can make expression flow easier.
Your voice is also one of the greatest offerings you can share with your Ancestors, and the land you are on.
Note that a singing and/or humming techniques is also a breathing technique that can invite relaxation of the vagus nerve which does sooooo much, including teaching your body to feel safe.
When our body feels safe we can access pleasure.
There is so much to share about pleasure + play, including that it allows your genius to flow.
For some people this process can be uncomfortable, and that doesn't necessarily mean something is going wrong. Often this means something is requesting to be released. If you need a break to avoid dysregulation, listen to your body-instrument. Intuitive movement and stretching can also help <3
When you feel resonance flow throughout your body, look to transfer those vibrations to your drawing.
The water, brush and paint have been enchanted with your Ancestral sounds
I find abstract painting to be the most fruitful, but the focus is to find flow however your body is requesting
Absorb your most present feelings (whatever they are) and let them diffuse outward through your hand.
I like to add words and phrases to the art, showing the relationship between transmutation and different mediums.
Then I post on my temporary altar until they feel fully digested. (it would also could be very cute to post up on your fridge like a proud parent)
These are also special offerings to an Ancestor altar.
Thank your Ancestors for their support and presence, thank the land you are on, thank your body for whatever it was able to share, thank the water, paint, and brush for also being Allies.
Clean up. And so it is.
About Amelia:
Amelia (they/them/their), is a widely sought after Healer, Psychic, and Soul Escort. In their practice, they address and facilitate healing from trauma, ancestral patterning and grief while supporting clients to feel safe, confident and even experience joy and pleasure during the process. Amelia works primarily with artists, writers, musicians, and creative entrepreneurs unearthing their unique voice, expression, gifts... This year they will be spending more time on the road working on their next project, Prima Materia, an ethnomusical collaboration that will see them performing across Europe with other artists and creatives in sacred acoustical buildings - exploring the relationship between land, song, and the spaces we build that house our stories.
My definition of “Allies” is based in animism and may be broader than some.